OK, where did the last 8 months go? It’s already August 9, which means just 2 calendar months until my due date! I can’t believe I will be holding my little girl in 2-ish months! And with work starting back up soon, baby showers, several doctor’s appointments (every 2 weeks now), and just preparing for Baby’s arrival, these 2 months are going to go by really fast.
As thankful as I am that my busy schedule will keep my occupied for the next 9 weeks, I am also a human ball of emotions right now: excited, nervous, scared, worried, happy, loved, tired, etc. I feel like my life is just a big “What If?” right now…
What if I go into labor early – like, really early? As much as I would LOVE to see my baby face-to-face, I really want her to cook in there as long as possible. We are FAR from being ready for her arrival and there is still a lot of reading I need to be doing before I will feel a little more prepared for labor, birth, and parenthood. Regardless, if she does make an early arrival, I hope that things will fall in to place and parenting will just come naturally.
What if labor feels worse than I am already anticipating? I have mentioned once before that I am planning on going through a natural childbirth. However, as this is my first child, I have no idea what labor is going to feel like. I am prepared for it to be the worst pain of my life, and I am OK with that because I know it is only temporary and I will have a baby after it’s all over. But, there’s still that little voice in the back of my head saying, “What if you can’t handle the pain?” Thus, I am reading as much as I can about preparing my body for a natural birth and we are also taking a natural childbirth class in late September. I’m still scared to death though…
What if labor and birth don’t go as planned? As much as I want a natural childbirth, I want a healthy baby in the end more. My biggest fear about giving birth is not the pain – it’s having a C-section. I absolutely DO NOT want one unless my baby’s or my life is in jeopardy. However, should that happen, I am trying to accept the fact that a C-section does not mean I failed as a woman. Like I said, the health of my baby is more important to me than anything else.
What if our baby isn’t perfect in every way like we’ve been imagining? I’m not talking about her not being cute because of course she will be! I’m talking like something is majorly wrong with her physically/mentally. I have already had dreams about her being deaf. You go through your pregnancy imagining this perfect child, but sometimes things go wrong that you don’t know about until after they’re born. It is probably one of my biggest fears to have a child with a disability, but if she does have something wrong, I know that will not make me love her any less than I already do. Matt and I are prepared to handle any situation that arises because we know it will not change our love for our little girl. I like to think that God doesn’t give us things that He thinks we can’t handle. And He definitely knows I am always up for a challenge.
What if I develop postpartum depression? Unfortunately, depression is not something unfamiliar to me. I can’t say that I have major or chronic depression, but I do tend to get seasonal depression and situational depression pretty frequently. So, I feel like this is something that could possibly happen after having my baby. I plan on making sure Matt knows the signs of it because I’m not sure I would understand what I was going through or seek out the help I needed.
What if we really weren’t ready to be parents? To think that in just 2 short months we are going from it just being the 2 of us to the 3 of us scares my like nothing else. There are so many things that I want for our daughter (and future children) that we had as kids. We were both fortunate enough to be raised with parents who loved us unconditionally and were able to provide for us throughout our lives. And why wouldn’t I want the same for my daughter? I know we won’t be perfect parents, but you better believe that we are going to be the best darn parents we can be! I don’t think there is any way for us to truly prepare for what having a child is going to be like, but at least I will have my partner by my side to tackle the challenge with me.
Our lives are going to drastically change in just 2 short months. And as scary as all those “what ifs” sound to me, I am still so excited to meet our little girl and start our journey into parenting together. We may not be able to control whether or not everything goes as perfectly as we hope, but I know that I have a man who loves me by my side and God to watch over our little family.