stressed

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There have been a lot of things going on lately that have been completely out of my control.  From my job to coaching,  selling our house to nursing my snot-nosed kiddo, my stress level is at an all time high.  It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this sort of stress.  I think the last time I felt this stressed out was the summer of 2010, when I was training for Chicago, visiting my grandpa several times a week in the nursing home, and desperately searching for a job.  So many factors out of my control and I just remember spending a lot of my summer in tears over not knowing what to expect.

I’m to that point again.  That point where I feel like I am just on the verge of a mental breakdown.  I haven’t quite gotten there yet, but I’m getting awfully close.  I so desperately want to  be in control of many of the things that are happening in my life right now, but I’m just not.  And it’s really starting to affect my body and mind.

I like to think I manage my stress really well, but that’s not entirely true.  I have ways that help me calm down and clear my mind, but they really don’t take the stress away.  Running, of course, is one of those outlets.  It is the only part of my day where I don’t have to talk about anyone else or worry about anything except getting those miles in.  (OK, I worry about my pace, but for the most part, I have control over that.)  It helps me organize my thoughts and figure out ways I can tackle difficult situations going on in my life.

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But, sometimes running just isn’t enough.  My mindset it to try not to worry about things until I have to, but sometimes you just can’t help but feel overwhelmed and helpless and break down.  I finally broke down Saturday night because of things that are completely out of my control.  I fear the unknown and my anxiety becomes too much to handle.  And the result is tears.

I’ve felt very lost about a lot of things lately and while running helps at times, I realized this weekend something that has truly been missing from my life lately:  prayer.  I am not the most religious person but I do have faith in God.  I don’t like to express my faith on my blog often because I know not everyone has the same beliefs that I do, but this weekend was one of those times where I really felt like I needed God.

I don’t pray nearly as much as I should.  Sadly, I pray when I need a favor.  And this weekend was of course a time when I needed a favor from God.  I just needed Him to ease my mind a little bit.  To let me know that no matter what, things were going to be OK.

Matt and I had to get out of the house Sunday because of a house showing.  We weren’t planning on going to church because of the snow and waited until the last minute to decide to get ready to actually go to church.  We ended up getting there a few minutes late, but we made it.  And it didn’t take us long to realize the reason we were there.

Sunday’s Gospel:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. – Matthew 6:33-34

I’m a believer that all things happen for a reason.  I believe God leads us down the path He wants us to go.  Sometimes I forget that I need to trust God’s plan.  That He is in control, not me.  It is so hard for me to give up control, but I know that God has my best interest in mind.

Does it mean that my stress will magically disappear?  Ha!  I wish!  But, it does reassure me that no matter what happens in the long run, it was all a part of God’s plan.  I may not understand it now, but hopefully someday I will realize what God’s intentions were for this time in my life…

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  • I like thought “Worrying does not change any thing but believe in god change every thing”. Its very true and personally i felt god when i was suffering bad depression.
    LeanonLife recently posted..Food Trend Alert: 5 Healthy Recipes For Brussels Sprouts And Cabbage

  • sending you lots of love and prayers, girl! xo
    Linz @ Itz Linz recently posted..Like Mother Like Daughter | Pregnancy Photos

  • pretty crazy how god gets his message across to us, isn’t it?
    Lindsay @ The Lean Green Bean recently posted..Bean Bytes 79

  • I’m so sorry you’re feeling stressed … I really do think that recognizing it, admitting it, praying about it are all great steps. Thinking about you!
    Megan (The Lyons’ Share) recently posted..Celebrate Yourself!

  • Ali

    I love this post! Thank you for opening up about struggling with stress and anxiety and how that relates to your faith. I could identify with a lot of what you said. My faith is built on moments like the one you described of going to church and feeling that the message was just for you. Praying for you that you find a way to balance it all and worry less!

    • Kristen

      Some how that always happens. God knows how to speak to my heart!

  • Hi Kristen,

    I’m sorry you are going through that stress and anxiety, but I’m glad you found strength and a message at church. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason as well.

    It is funny, just as I was typing this I received an email with an inspirational message, so I might as well share that here…It says, “If you make time to list all the things you are grateful for, and you feel the feelings of gratitude, you will feel amazing every day. Your frequency will be high and you will move through your days in love with being alive, bringing joy wherever you go, positively affecting one person after another. When you live a life like this, everything you want will come before you even ask.

    May the joy be with you,”

    Couldn’t have said it better myself! :)
    Jessie recently posted..Anxiety Diversion Tactics

    • Kristen

      Thanks! That is a great quote!

  • Girl I feel you on the STRESS. I feel like I am living on the edge everyday right now. Sending you positive thoughts!
    Madeline @ Food Fitness and Family recently posted..Garibaldi’s Cafe Savannah

    • Kristen

      Oh girl, you have it way worse than I do – so I feel horrible for complaining! I can’t imagine everything you do while still taking care of 2 kiddos! Miss you! <3

  • Jen

    Hugs girl! I’ve been there. I’m so glad you heard that message in church. <3 I hope things calm down for you soon!
    Jen recently posted..Pregnancy update: week 33

  • Hi Kristen!

    I hope you’re feeling much better. :) And it’s so true what you mentioned about worrying. I think most of our stress, whether it’s because of our responsibilities as mother, daughters, or friends, comes from worrying needlessly about stuff that we’re not sure are going to happen.

    I’ve felt this way many time before and a little reality check and ice cream always helped. :)
    Glori Surban recently posted..(Kindle) S.M.A.R.T. Goals Made Simple – 10 Steps to Master Your Personal and Career Goals

    • Kristen

      Haha! Yes ice cream helps with everything!

  • Sarah

    Man, God knows what we need to hear and when we need to hear it, huh? Sorry things have been tough lately, but thank you for your honesty. I pray things get better for you soon.

    • Kristen

      Thank you!