I’m going to do my best not to cry while writing this because there are so many other things that matter more than my ability to run, but with my pregnancy hormones raging, it’s going to be tough.
After a rough couple of runs last week, I had to say “good-bye for now” to my beloved sport of running. It’s been a good run (no pun intended) so far through 7 months of pregnancy, but my body just couldn’t handle it anymore.
I would get about halfway into my run (less on a bad day, more on a good day) and I would start experiencing some pains throughout my abdomen. It was never anything terribly bad, although I do have a high pain tolerance, but enough to make me worry that something might be wrong. And with all the worry I would do after a run (it would lull my little girl to sleep in my stomach and she wouldn’t move for hours), I just found that it wasn’t worth it to continue running.
I’m mad at myself for having such a difficult time dealing with this, because it’s not like I’ve never been injured before and had to take several months off running (like 6 months in 2006 due to a stress fracture in my foot and then an inflamed tendon/bone where my stress fracture was). I think I am so upset about it because I so badly wanted to be able to run up to the point I gave birth. It’s so incredibly silly, but to me, it makes me feel like a failure. Like my body failed me in some way. Like my mind failed me for giving up so easily on something I love so much. Like I failed you guys, my readers, for not being able to continue doing something that I know inspired + motivated many people.
I feel so fortunate to have been able to run the first 7 months of my pregnancy. I know there are a lot of people who weren’t as fortunate as I am. I have to continuously remind myself that I don’t have to give up fitness entirely – I am still healthy and able to continue doing the elliptical, walking, and weight lifting up until I do give birth. That’s still something, right?
And I’m not going to lie, I have interspersed a few minutes of running in with my walking. I might not be able to run for an extended period of time (what’s it like again to be able to run 3 miles without stopping?), but I can run for a minute at a time 4 or 5 times during a walk, albeit much slower than I have been. It’s not ideal, but it’s at least something for now. I know that I probably won’t be able to continue doing even that since my belly is growing at an exponential rate these days, but as long as I’m comfortable with no pain, I will continue doing that.
Like I said, there are much worse things that could happen than not being able to run. I am thankful for my health + fitness and the fact that in 3 (hopefully short) months, I will be rewarded with a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I know she will never think I’m a failure for not being able to run up until the day she arrived. Now, I just have to start believing it myself.