facing fears

I am a person with a lot of irrational fears.  As a kid, I was scared of balloons because they popped.  OK, I’m still a little scared of balloons – I don’t like sudden loud noises.  Guns, fireworks, balloons, people jumping out at me, I just don’t like them.  If I hear or read a story about something that happened to someone, I start to fear that same situation happening to me.  I am scared to go over bridges when it’s foggy because I’m afraid the bridge collapsed and I’m going to plunge into the river below and have no warning about it.  I’m scared to be stuck in traffic while on a bridge as well, thanks to the bridge collapse in Minnesota several years ago.  The chances of these things ever happening to me are pretty slim, but I’m still scared of them.

Yesterday I had to face another irrational fear:  the gym daycare.  Now, most parents fear taking their children to the gym daycare because of germs, supervision issues, etc.  I’ve been taking MacKenna to the gym daycare for about a year now, but I’ve been avoiding it for several months now.

You see, the last time I took her to the gym daycare suddenly became the start of one of the worst days and weeks of my life.  I can actually tell you the last time I took her:  October 26.  Exactly 4 months ago.  Exactly 4 months ago, when I picked MacKenna up from the gym daycare was when I first noticed her lazy eye.

Now, at the time I had no idea that her lazy eye was caused by a virus.  In fact, when we went to the doctor a few days later, they even mentioned that her 6th nerve palsy could be caused by trauma to the head.  Obviously, there was absolutely no sign of her being hit or falling and bumping her head that hard at the daycare, but it started those thoughts, blaming the gym for what happened these last 4 months.

(You can read all about that horrible week, her diagnosis, and her recent surgery in these posts.)

Yesterday, I had another unexpected snow day, and since Matt’s school didn’t get called off (and the fact that it’s now track season and Matt won’t get home until later in the evening), I had no choice but to take MacKenna to the gym with me so I could get in my workout.  I know it’s silly and I sound complete stupid and irrational, but I was really nervous.  What if it happened again?  Was it really something at the gym that caused all of this?  What if, what if, what if…

I worried throughout my entire workout.  I even thought I saw her crying at the door while I was running on the treadmill.  The worries running through my head definitely kept me distracted through my 400-meter repeats. 

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Thank goodness for running to help me get out those fears, because of course, the ladies told me she was perfect when I went and picked her up.  And her eyes are still looking great!

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Will I still worry about taking her to the gym?  Of course.  Just like I will continue to worry every time I drive over a bridge.  But, I have to face those fears, otherwise I don’t think I’d ever leave the house.  And that would really be an issue for my running…

Do you have any irrational fears?  Has something ever happened to you where you were afraid to do it again even though you knew it probably wouldn’t happen again?

  • Lee

    I understand. I have anxiety issues…about everything. And I’m scared of guns too.
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    • Kristen

      Yup, definitely anxiety! I doubt I’ll ever get shot, but still… 😉

  • Ali

    I think becoming a mom intensifies a lot of those fears, too. It did for me. The important thing is that you recognize they’re irrational and then strive to overcome them, not rearrange your life because of them. Glad to hear Kenna is doing well. : )

    • Kristen

      Hard to get over those fears, but I’m trying!

  • I often put myself in the position of people I hear stories about… in the news, movies, etc. And I get super emotional. I was actually just thinking about posting about my fears… one of them being letting payton go up and down the stairs by herself. She is 3. She can go up and down just fine. But I freak out about it. Which has made her nervous about it. Dang fear.
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    • Kristen

      I’m beyond over protective – we still have the motion sensor on the monitor turned on. We’re way past the SIDS stage, but I think I’ll always have that fear!

  • Jessica Goodman

    I agree that everyone has an irrational fears. I had a lot of fear taking my daughter to daycare. Yes, we have had a horrible experience with one provider but have found her a really great provider that does a great job with her.

    • Kristen

      OMG, I can’t even imagine having a horrible experience with a caregiver. Not irrational! I would worry having someone watch her after a bad experience too!

  • Abby

    Omg yes i read things bout other and then the irrational fears start. Like when i first heard/read about MacKenna’s eye, i started to worry about Emily. I didn’t start these irrational fears or they were never as often or bad until I had her. I label it as a “Mother Bear thing”. Like i am so protective of her and worry about things happening that have slim chances of actually happening, that i want to do anything and everything to protect her. I think it means we may worry a bit much, but we love them too much not to worry and want to protect. 😉

    • Kristen

      I definitely think it’s a LOVE thing! 🙂

  • I can SO relate to the irrational fear thing! In fact my child (almost a year old) has never been in a daycare, or with a sitter other than her Grandma or Auntie.

  • I can totally relate with the popping noises and people jumping out at you. hhhaaatteee that. Glad all was ok at the gym!
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