So, 3 months have passed since my last check-in on my postpartum body + brain progress. At the time, I was probably at one of the lowest points. I hadn’t quite realized that what I was going through was postpartum depression, but I did know that something definitely wasn’t right. I think at that point I was just waiting for someone to reach out and tell me to get help, that it was OK, and that I definitely wasn’t alone. But, I felt alone and scared.
Three months later and I’m feeling better than I ever have. There have been a few times where I’ve felt really lonely and sad, but nothing compared to 3 months ago. Things are much more manageable and I’m much more willing to communicate my feelings when things start to feel overwhelmed. That doesn’t mean that I actually ask for help when I need it – I’m still stubborn as ever – but things aren’t nearly as overwhelming.
It’s also sort of given me a new outlook on the rest of my postpartum progress. Yesterday was the first time I had weighed myself in 3 months. And I wasn’t worried at all. No matter what that number said, it didn’t define me. My clothes fit, I’m happy with how I look, and I’m doing my best to stay healthy. My weight is no longer important to me because there are so many more things that matter more.
Deep, I know, right?!
But, really. No pictures. No numbers. Just me being real. I feel like I have my life together again. I’m not counting calories. I’m not tracking my weight. I’m not freaking out about being alone with my kids. I’m in a good place and I am doing my best to keep it that way. Even without being able to run this week, I’m not freaking out. Yes, it SUCKS – like hardcore. But, I know that it’s not forever. I’ll run again and hopefully sooner than later because I’m taking the time off that my body needs.