body after bump #2: 9 months

 

So, 3 months have passed since my last check-in on my postpartum body + brain progress.  At the time, I was probably at one of the lowest points.  I hadn’t quite realized that what I was going through was postpartum depression, but I did know that something definitely wasn’t right.  I think at that point I was just waiting for someone to reach out and tell me to get help, that it was OK, and that I definitely wasn’t alone.  But, I felt alone and scared.

Three months later and I’m feeling better than I ever have.  There have been a few times where I’ve felt really lonely and sad, but nothing compared to 3 months ago.  Things are much more manageable and I’m much more willing to communicate my feelings when things start to feel overwhelmed.  That doesn’t mean that I actually ask for help when I need it – I’m still stubborn as ever – but things aren’t nearly as overwhelming.

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It’s also sort of given me a new outlook on the rest of my postpartum progress.  Yesterday was the first time I had weighed myself in 3 months.  And I wasn’t worried at all.  No matter what that number said, it didn’t define me.  My clothes fit, I’m happy with how I look, and I’m doing my best to stay healthy.  My weight is no longer important to me because there are so many more things that matter more.

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Deep, I know, right?!

But, really.  No pictures.  No numbers.  Just me being real.  I feel like I have my life together again.  I’m not counting calories.  I’m not tracking my weight.  I’m not freaking out about being alone with my kids.  I’m in a good place and I am doing my best to keep it that way.  Even without being able to run this week, I’m not freaking out.  Yes, it SUCKS – like hardcore.  But, I know that it’s not forever.  I’ll run again and hopefully sooner than later because I’m taking the time off that my body needs.

So, my body after bump now means treating my body + mind the way it deserves to be treated.  I’m trusting my instincts and doing what I need to do to stay healthy.