Another month down and slowly making progress. I was actually surprised to see the numbers this month, because let’s just say, this was definitely not the best month for me. My weight has been all over the place and I’ve really lacked on getting my eating under control until this past week. I’m sure if I had been eating like I am now this entire month, I probably would’ve seen a little bit more progress, but oh well. Hopefully next month there will be an even bigger difference, right?!
Matt asked me a few weeks ago if I looked at my number from my first pregnancy. Well, I didn’t until yesterday – and well, I didn’t have physical numbers, just the differences, until month #3, so I looked at that month instead. I am actually ahead of where I was at 3 months postpartum the first time around. So, I can’t be disappointed with that. I just have to remind myself that it DOES take time, but that I do have to put some effort into it.
I won’t get into my specific workouts since I share those with you guys every week, but in general, my workouts have been going great lately! I have to admit though, I’m an Insanity drop-out. I went to go do it on Monday and just couldn’t bring myself to do it. So, I’m back to doing CrossFit workouts. I mean, I would LOVE to look like the girls in the Insanity workouts, but I just want to feel strong again. I’ve lost SO much strength during my pregnancy and I am dying to get it all back. Plus, I know how much CrossFit has benefitted not only my weight + physical appearance, but also my running. Plus, I will have to wake up at 4 AM anyway to get myself and the kiddos ready for the day once I go back to work and I am planning on running after work and with a weight room at my disposable, it’s just easier to do my entire workout in an hour at school than at home. And it’ll give me extra time with my kids (and hubby) who I am already dreading leaving next week.
Like I said, I’ve still been struggling. After too many desserts (like 3 or 4) every night, I finally admitted to myself that I have sugar addiction. So, I gave up sweets (candy, cookies, ice cream, cakes, pies, etc.) and eating after dinner for Lent. Matt + I gave ourselves Sunday as a “feast” day, as technically, Sundays don’t count in Lent. I took full advantage of it this past week and could tell I did not have sugar in a few days. So far, it’s going pretty good but I have to be really conscious about it. I’m so used to helping myself to an M&M when I give Kenna one for going on the potty. My cravings are getting better but I will admit that I have been having a glass of wine or half a beer after dinner, and sometimes a cappuccino or hot chocolate. I’ve been trying to limit sugar as much as possible though. Hopefully, by the time Easter comes around, I will be OK with only having sweets once or twice a week and not every night.
I really thought that 6 weeks would be my turning point. That I’d be feeling completely back to normal. But, here I am, almost 10 weeks postpartum, and I still feel like I am struggling. However, my hormones ARE starting to even out a bit, as signaled by the amount of hair I am losing in the shower on a daily basis. I do think that I have reached a peak and am on the downhill slope as I am feeling much happier and not nearly as overwhelmed as I had been. But, that only really happened because I finally told Matt + my mom how I had been feeling. I think I just needed to get out how I was feeling. I also think that going back to work will make a big difference in my mental health. Yes, it’s going to be really freaking hard to leave my kids. But, I also know that, for me, I need that time to just not be a mom all day long. I need breaks, for my mental health, and some days I just don’t get that when I’m home all day with both kids. I hate admitting that, but I am someone who needs some time to myself, doing my own thing, and being on my own schedule. I’ve admitted to myself that if I am still not feeling better after I go back to work that I will get help. With a history of depression in my family, I know my risks and when running just isn’t doing it’s job, I know that something is not right. Thankfully, I don’t think it’s going to get to that point though.