body after bump #2: 1 month

One month down.  I know I said that I wasn’t exactly happy with how weight loss was going, but I really can’t be upset about the numbers.  It has definitely been up and down all month long and I am still struggling with several things, physically + mentally, but I’m slowly but surely making progress.

The Numbers

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Body Bump - 1 month

Boby Bump - 1 month 2

I honestly didn’t look at my 1 week numbers until right before I posted this, and really, wow!  I’m actually quite proud of those numbers!  Even with a gain in my arms, there is definitely nothing to be upset about!  Like I said, I’m making progress.  My manta continues to be, “It took 9 months to put it on… give it 9 months to get it off.”  I still have a ways to go to get back to pre-pregnancy size + weight, but every day I’m a little bit closer.

Workouts

I’m sharing my workouts weekly, so I won’t talk about them too much here.  I will be 6 weeks postpartum on Monday and will really be ramping up my running then.  I’ll still be following a couch to 10K type program but will get to continuous running pretty quickly.  Running feels pretty good lately, and I definitely feel like I could run longer already.  I don’t think continuous running will be an issue.  The only thing that bothers me after running are my abs – for some reason, ab workouts are great, but I think my core in general (abs, hips, glutes, hamstrings) are all still pretty weak.  PiYo has been helping for sure, but I will admit that I can’t WAIT to start Insanity Max:30 next week!  I’m ready to start pushing my body a little harder!

Nutrition

This is really where I’ve been struggling lately.  For example, this week, I’ve eaten 3 cookies every night after dinner.  Some nights it’s because I’m hungry… Other nights, it’s just because it’s a terrible habit.  I’m still trying to figure out exactly how much I need to be eating in order to not feel completely famished in the evening.  That’s really been the struggle lately.  By the time dinner rolls around, I can’t stuff enough in my mouth.  So, not only am I eating too much, I’m also not making very good choices.  It’s like learning how to eat all over again.

Mental Health

This is something I haven’t addressed in the past, but because it is something I am dealing with postpartum, I thought maybe I should talk about it.  And since writing is my outlet, I thought this might help.

I will admit that I have been struggling lately.  While I don’t think I am dealing with postpartum depression, I do feel like I have a touch of the baby blues.  Transitioning to two kids has not been exactly easy on me mentally.  I am dealing with a lot of stress with caring for 2 kids all day, as well as a lot of guilt for how I am handling things.  A lot of the stress stems from MacKenna, as she is testing my limits and is certainly seeking my attention as much as possible.  I’ve reacted terribly to her lately and actually spent one of her nap times in tears because I felt so horrible for how I reacted to something minor that she did.  I also feel like I am always neglecting one child to care for the other.  Miles has spent a lot of time crying because I am trying to get MacKenna settled doing something, or I’ve had to completely ignore Kenna while I try to do something for Miles.  By the end of the day, I am just completely worn out mentally, and then I feel guilty for passing off at least one kid to Matt while I do something for me.  While it doesn’t seem like much, it has really been eating me up and it make every day just that much harder.

I just don’t feel like myself.  Everyone talks about how your kids take a little piece of your heart.  Well, that’s true – I love my kids unconditionally.  But, I also feel like they’ve taken a little piece of me with them and I’m having to learn how to be myself all over again.  I started running 3 weeks early because it is the only thing that makes me feel like myself.  I feel guilty for feeling like I need that time, but I know I need it for my mental health more than anything.  I’ve been looking forward to the 6 week mark because I remember that is the time where everything got so much easier after I had MacKenna.  I’m hoping and praying that after 6 weeks, things will be better.  I will get the hang of caring for 2 kids and I’ll start feeling like myself again.  Let’s hope…

  • It’s hard. I struggled for a long time. It seemed like when I was pregnant with #2, I had things under control. The house was clean (ish), dinner was usually ready, we had a good schedule. Everything seemed to fall apart when the 2nd one came. No one was ever happy, I couldn’t get anything done, it just was a very stressful time. I lowered my expectations and everything eventually got a lot easier. People are going to cry, there isn’t really any way around that. Hang in there mama, cut your self some slack and try to just focus on what’s really important. It’ll get easier!! HUGS!!

    • Yeah, I’m trying to keep things in perspective. I just don’t handle stress well, unfortunately.

  • um, i was a mess after adding our 2nd kid. i always tell everyone the move from 1 kid to 2 wrecked me but the move from 2 to 3 seemed so easy after that. you are not alone in your struggle. we all feel like we aren’t doing it right and like we aren’t giving our kids what they need. the incredible thing about our kids though is that they love us so much and so unconditionally. they have so much grace for the times we mess up and lose it. i have gotten into the habit of asking my kids for forgiveness when i over react or lose my patience with them. i think it’s good for them to see the example of admitting mistake and taking ownership of it and i think it’s good for them see that i do really love and care about them and it’s not their fault that i lost it. you do what you need to do to be the best mom for those kids that you can, if that means getting a few mins of quiet to yourself when you husband gets home and going for a run-it’s okay! it’s good for your family to see you setting the example of taking care of yourself. i know it seems hard and like it’s never going to come together-but it will! it will. it takes time. thanks for being so honest about your struggle. it will be an ecouragement to others in your same place. (if you are crazy bored breastfeeding one night, feel free to read about the crazy place i was in 3 years ago when our 2nd came along…i am so not a “real” blogger but i’m glad i wrote this stuff out so i would remember it.. http://www.jenmall.blogspot.com/2011/12/full-disclosure.html and http://www.jenmall.blogspot.com/2012/01/making-it.html )

    • Thank you so much! I ask for forgiveness a lot with Kenna – I actually woke her up from a nap last week to apologize to her because I felt so awful. And of course, now I can’t get her to nap for me! AH!

  • Brenda

    I just want to say, you are not alone with those feelings. For some people (myself included), it is really difficult going from 1 to 2 kids. I read HTP yesterday where she said it’s like her second baby has always been there and it’s been a seem less transition from one to two kids. She said her older child is just as wonderful as ever. My thought was, ‘well good for you’ in a completely sarcastic, bitter tone. It’s okay to feel like you are having a tough time because it is hard going to two kids!!! My advice is to get into a routine as soon as possible. At 11 months PP, I finally came up with a morning routine for my kids. It actually helped my big kid the most because he knows exactly what to expect every morning: potty, get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, then go read books or play in your room. Are you able to wear Miles so he doesn’t have to cry as much? Do you have family in town who can take MacKenna for the day?

    • Ugh. Yeah, I just read her post today. I feel like she has a lot more help with he hubby, even though I know he works. And the fact that Henry goes to preschool a few days a week. The days when Kenna is at the sitter are definitely my easiest days! Ha! I am a very routine person and have had Miles on a schedule since day 1 – it does make it easier, except for the times when I’m trying to do 2 things at once! And yes, wearing him helps – he had a great day today, actually!

  • Sarah

    Thank you for your honesty! I’m adding my second in April and everyone makes it seem like it’s so easy because you already know what to expect (with a newborn) but I’m more worried that I don’t know how to handle 2 kids and have no idea how my son is going to react to not getting my undivided attention whenever he needs it. I hope it gets easier for you soon, I remember the 6 week mark was a turning point with my first one too, I’ll keep that in mind 🙂

    • Yes, the newborn is easy – it’s the 2 kids part that is harder, unfortunately. But, just like everything, this too shall pass! Good luck!

  • Sarah

    i always feels a little cloudy and out of it when i am breastfeeding. i think it’s hard physically on your body which makes you that much more tired and down, mentally. especially when I was on mat leave, I just felt kind of moody and not myself until I went back to work. though i still feel a little out of it and anxious, I blame SAD, not PPD. (I’m almost 4 months ppd) Anyways, Mackenna knows you love her and the next day, won’t even remember when you snapped at her. Kids are able to shake that stuff off so quickly.

    • Oh yes – I do suffer from SAD and was just thinking that this would be so much easier in the summer where we could just go outside and play all day. I’ll plan better next time! Ha!

      • Sarah

        yea, when I have #3 I am shooting for a march or april birth !

  • Melissa

    My son will be 3 1/2 when my second comes along in April, and I’ve heard completely mixed things about a second baby. Some people say it’s much easier because you know what to do with the second, and others say going from 1 to 2 is much harder than going from 0 to 1, so I have no idea what to expect! I know it took me a long time to adjust when our first was born so part of me is hoping that #2 has to be easier, but I also worry a lot about the changes we are inflicting on our son and how he will respond to not being the center of attention all the time. I expect that part will be the hardest! Be patient with yourself, you’re figuring it out and it will eventually come together. I agree that it’s totally okay to lose it with your kiddos sometimes as long as you talk about it with them and apologize afterwards- it’s good modeling that there is no expectation that anyone behaves perfectly all the time and that it’s okay to mess up sometimes. I know this is what we practice with our son and he seems to get it. My advice though- if you still aren’t feeling like yourself at your 6 week appointment, tell your provider and take some action. I didn’t with my first, and in hindsight I definitely should have- I think it would have made a huge difference in my mental health recovery. Nothing terribly bad happened, but it ended up being a year before I really felt kind of like me again and I think had I done things differently I could have felt better much sooner.

    • I will say that a newborn is MUCH easier than a 3 year old! She’s really the one I am struggling with – especially when I’m trying to take care of him and she is needing my attention. She’s very attached to me right now and that has made it harder. Read the post above yours – she has some great tips to help you adjust before baby #2!

  • Rachel Rose

    My girls are 22 months apart, and we pushed a “baby” on Ruby for about 5 month before her little sister was born. I tried to tell her that she took care of her baby and I took care of her. I also, sorta, trained Ruby to sit for a 20-25 minute TV show. That way she would have her treat while I was otherwise tied up. Still, she’d wait until I was hooked up to the breast pump and then request something and hit me or pull hair when she didn’t get her way. That didn’t last long as the consequences for such behavior are pretty swift and (to her) severe (ie– on her bed for 10 minutes, which is forever when you are 2). It does get MUCH easier, but you are right, it’s takes adjusting. Remember to go easy on yourself and that your kids will NEVER remember this transition time. I’d agree with Melissa — get some help if you still need it or it gets worse. I found that returning to regular, sweaty exercise REALLY helped! Good luck.

    • Yes, exercise makes me feel so much better! Thankfully, I don’t think it’s PPD since I can still function – it’s just that I tend to get overwhelmed very easily with things. Nap time is the worst right now just because he’s screaming to be fed and she’s fighting taking a nap. I hate feeling pulled in both directions!

  • GIRL – postpartum is hard and the transition to a family of 4 is challenging. You’re doing AMAZING.

  • Kim

    I totally agree with everything everyone has said here. My patience went out the window when I had my second kid there have been many times I felt so much regret over the way I treated my kids. Two years later, there are still times that I struggle. But the first 6 months were definitely the hardest. Try to find people you can talk to. Talking to other mom’s really helped me to keep my emotions under control and keep perspective. It is not easy but thank goodness this is only a season of life. You just need to try to focus in on the good and try to let go of the bad.

    • Thanks Kim! I’m praying that it gets easier soon – or at least when I go back to work. Thankfully, I’ll have the hubby at home over the summer, so that should help too!