One month down. I know I said that I wasn’t exactly happy with how weight loss was going, but I really can’t be upset about the numbers. It has definitely been up and down all month long and I am still struggling with several things, physically + mentally, but I’m slowly but surely making progress.
I honestly didn’t look at my 1 week numbers until right before I posted this, and really, wow! I’m actually quite proud of those numbers! Even with a gain in my arms, there is definitely nothing to be upset about! Like I said, I’m making progress. My manta continues to be, “It took 9 months to put it on… give it 9 months to get it off.” I still have a ways to go to get back to pre-pregnancy size + weight, but every day I’m a little bit closer.
I’m sharing my workouts weekly, so I won’t talk about them too much here. I will be 6 weeks postpartum on Monday and will really be ramping up my running then. I’ll still be following a couch to 10K type program but will get to continuous running pretty quickly. Running feels pretty good lately, and I definitely feel like I could run longer already. I don’t think continuous running will be an issue. The only thing that bothers me after running are my abs – for some reason, ab workouts are great, but I think my core in general (abs, hips, glutes, hamstrings) are all still pretty weak. PiYo has been helping for sure, but I will admit that I can’t WAIT to start Insanity Max:30 next week! I’m ready to start pushing my body a little harder!
This is really where I’ve been struggling lately. For example, this week, I’ve eaten 3 cookies every night after dinner. Some nights it’s because I’m hungry… Other nights, it’s just because it’s a terrible habit. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how much I need to be eating in order to not feel completely famished in the evening. That’s really been the struggle lately. By the time dinner rolls around, I can’t stuff enough in my mouth. So, not only am I eating too much, I’m also not making very good choices. It’s like learning how to eat all over again.
This is something I haven’t addressed in the past, but because it is something I am dealing with postpartum, I thought maybe I should talk about it. And since writing is my outlet, I thought this might help.
I will admit that I have been struggling lately. While I don’t think I am dealing with postpartum depression, I do feel like I have a touch of the baby blues. Transitioning to two kids has not been exactly easy on me mentally. I am dealing with a lot of stress with caring for 2 kids all day, as well as a lot of guilt for how I am handling things. A lot of the stress stems from MacKenna, as she is testing my limits and is certainly seeking my attention as much as possible. I’ve reacted terribly to her lately and actually spent one of her nap times in tears because I felt so horrible for how I reacted to something minor that she did. I also feel like I am always neglecting one child to care for the other. Miles has spent a lot of time crying because I am trying to get MacKenna settled doing something, or I’ve had to completely ignore Kenna while I try to do something for Miles. By the end of the day, I am just completely worn out mentally, and then I feel guilty for passing off at least one kid to Matt while I do something for me. While it doesn’t seem like much, it has really been eating me up and it make every day just that much harder.
I just don’t feel like myself. Everyone talks about how your kids take a little piece of your heart. Well, that’s true – I love my kids unconditionally. But, I also feel like they’ve taken a little piece of me with them and I’m having to learn how to be myself all over again. I started running 3 weeks early because it is the only thing that makes me feel like myself. I feel guilty for feeling like I need that time, but I know I need it for my mental health more than anything. I’ve been looking forward to the 6 week mark because I remember that is the time where everything got so much easier after I had MacKenna. I’m hoping and praying that after 6 weeks, things will be better. I will get the hang of caring for 2 kids and I’ll start feeling like myself again. Let’s hope…